Have you ever had so many ideas and emotions that your brain just gets so overwhelmed that it explodes and poof it’s totally blank?

Yep, that is me every time I sit down to write a blog post. I literally have so many ideas and no idea at the same time. I wish that I just had a little mind elf that took dictation of all of my thoughts. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Sometimes I get from looks people, mostly my husband, that make me feel like I must be totally nuts. I have to remind myself that I am just unique and not even I can follow what I am saying half the time.

Before I go too far into my own mind I wanted to stop and say I know a lot of people have a hard time believing in things that can’t be seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted, etc. I know asking someone to take that leap of faith to open their minds to the possibilities of things that may be contradictory to other more common beliefs is a BIG request. Without a doubt I am going to offend or “threaten the beliefs” of some people. Even if someone finds it necessary to condemn me to Hades, or proclaims I am the devil incarnate it is okay. I know that having everything you base your whole belief system on questioned, or thrown into doubt by someone who is clearly insane (me) can be unnerving for some people.

For those who didn’t get it, the “clearly insane (me)” comment was a joke. I may say some non-traditional things but I am not crazy in this sort of the sense of the word. 

Lately I have been feeling kind of lost and unsure of what direction I should go with things. I am at such a huge turning point in my “career” or lack thereof I guess you can say. Of course with my sense of independence and pride to worry about I would have never admitted this uncertainty to anyone. So tonight I decided to start by consulting my Tarot cards for help on this matter. I shuffled my cards just asking for clarity and guidance. I used a spread I just made up on the spot. To be honest I have no idea what card was even supposed to represent what. I just had faith that the cards knew what they wanted to tell me.

I know, I know….Tarot?

Let me say this, so many things in this universe are yet to be discovered, most things cannot be explained. Some things can be explained with Science (I am actually a firm believer in and lover of Science) but a lot of Science is just an educated guess made by Scientists. There is no real way to actually know or reveal even a fraction of the mysteries hidden in the Universe. Please keep an open mind.

Anyway, the cards…the cards. They helped me so very much. It was a very positive reading as long as a heed the warnings presented to me in the cards. Obviously the cards can’t tell me for sure what actually is and what will happen for sure but they really can tell you a lot if you listen to them.

I know Tarot has been in the past or can be seen by certain groups as “Witchcraft” or “evil” in some way. Cards themselves are not evil. They, like everything else in the world need to be respected and are only as good as the people who hold them. I do believe in a higher power. The higher power I believe in is the same higher power that is commonly associated with the word “GOD”. For the ease of explanation I will use the word GOD in place of “a higher power” during this blog post.

I didn’t grow up in a religious family, I am not religious. In fact I grew up trying my best to not believe in GOD. This was not because of how I was raised but rather because I felt calling this power GOD would have been in some way conforming to the societal norms of what most people associate with the word GOD. . But as I grew older I realized I didn’t have to call this presence GOD if it made me uncomfortable but I certainly needed to stop denying this the presence of this higher power. Anyone who knows me knows I defiantly question and resist conforming to what society expects.

What does this have to do with anything. at. all. ever???

I do understand the word GOD has a great significance, an importance, sometimes even fear associated with it. I know that the being, force, power, or whatever you believe GOD to be is an all powerful presence in the lives of most people. I am NOT here to challenge your beliefs or religious views wether you are a follower of a certain religion, an atheist, an agnostic, whatever. I am not here to judge you or your belief system.

What I am here to do is to open your mind to the possibility of forces and influences much greater then we know, can see or feel or touch and in most cases far to great to even begin comprehend.

Growing up I should have been worried about what was going to happen to my siblings and I. I should have wondered if my dad was coming home or if he’d remember to pick us up from school. I should have thought about where my next meal was coming from or what tomorrow might bring.

These concerns are  what I imagine most children would think or worry about growing up in the chaotic childhood I had. I do not remember ever having any of those worries. I just feel like I never worried about where I would end up or who I would be because deep down I knew I would be okay. I knew I was protected and being watched over; again for the ease of explanation I will call these “Guardian Angels”. Of course I have no real proof that guardian angels exist. It is just something inherently known as what is.

I am not saying I didn’t worry. I was born a ball of anxiety. I suffered from unexplained anxiety and bouts of insomnia. I was also able to bring great joy and happiness to those around me. By nature I was a happy and smart baby. I had no reason to have the anxieties and fears that I was experiencing. I would say they’re definitely less from learned stresses and experiences like most people who have anxiety, but more like an indelible mark on my soul which causes these deep deep fears, and worries. Things I had no experience with at 3 and 4 years old. My life didn’t officially come crashing down until I was about 8 years old. Until then my mom was able to give us (the kids) the illusion of normalcy with the everyday mundane and love. We didn’t know any different.

Anyway, from a very young age I knew I was very different. I didn’t ever verbalize this, in fact I felt kind of stupid even thinking about it or admitting it to myself so I understand how absurd some of the things that will undoubtably be written in the future will sound. But here I am. Today, I am finally proudly admitting publicly for the first time…..

I am different!

I believe myself to be a Indigo child. If not an Indigo exactly something very similar. I have finally become confident enough to come out and tell everyone some of these “crazy” things about myself. Some of the strange and amazing things that make me different.

If you do not know what an Indigo Child is click this link for the Wikipedia explanation. 

There are a lot of differing opinions and beliefs surrounding Indigos and other seemingly common characteristics of other mental illness. You will read a lot of things if you research the subject. I will tell you DO NOT BELIEVE everything you read.

This is mostly just an introduction to my thoughts and feelings of the possibly being Indigo and my paradoxical views on life. Kind of a big “HOWDY, Here’s what you can expect readers, get used to me and my “bizarre” views”.

I hope that this makes sense and isn’t too 4-layer-wtf-with-wm

More to come later. I am exhausted. Writing takes a lot out of me LOL

Until next time! Goodnight!

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